A letter from the one who walked away…

Hey! I miss you too!

I have never really given it too much thought that I meant that much to you – perhaps, it didn’t even matter.
Let me start of with when we first met, it was just like any other first meeting with anyone; it was new and interesting, and I loved your stories and how you delivered them… It’s just the way I am, i guess, I listen and I share and we shared stories…
I love stories and conversations and I don’t mind being awkward and vulnerable around people — and I appreciate the fact that you didn’t mind too. Thank you. I’m flawed and I’m broken but I’m not sad. I showed you my battle scars and told you about battles I fought and going through — and I love the way you listen — you’re beautiful and I amaze you and you’re amazing! But hey! I don’t need fixing and I told you didn’t I? I don’t need game changers and exceptions and drama and love stories and happy endings and shit like that… I love adventure and adventurers don’t stay.

I’m sorry I didn’t say goodbye, I’m just not the type who ends things, life is a journey and mine will end when I’m done… I passed by that party and we met and we had fun… It lingered a little bit but I just had to keep going… I didn’t say goodbye because I might pass by your town again and I’d love to get to see you and catch up and hug like it was just yesterday. You’ve become one of my favorite people… I’m sorry you think I would stay and what we have could last. I just don’t want to be contained and I don’t stay — I’m just happy to know that I’ve somehow left a footprint and you remember — the happy times, I hope. Because I do.

Leaving you did not hurt. Yes, it was easy. You crossed my mind a few times and I smile. Even those times when you went loony and turned a bit psycho and I laugh and get a little scared — I don’t want to remind you because you might kill me… I’m sorry. I just didn’t know how to respond when you wanted too much, too soon, too bad. People like me, we don’t want boxes and status quo. I seriously think that I made that clear.

Please don’t beat yourself up over thinking and please don’t hate yourself — you’re beautiful and brilliant and those moments we had; they were real. Don’t define it with words like painful void and leaving and wounds and hurt. What we have is much more than that. And that sea of maybes and that ocean of what-ifs… I hope you didn’t spend so much time on their shores. This is me, telling you, — that’s a really dark and sad place to be spending too much time on, they don’t give you answers, there’s no connection there. Call me, ask me.

Years from now, when all the expectations are gone and that fairy tale feeling has passed and faded… We’ll find ourselves having a good laugh over lunch at a quaint deli… And it will be another time for another wonderful story…

For now, please enjoy life and keep on being amazed…

Love and respect,
The One Who Can’t Stay

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